By Jack Brittle, Local Journalism Initiative Reporter
A grassroots project in Burlington aimed at getting men to talk through their mental health challenges has grown into a fully-fledged non-profit organization that runs a support group that meets weekly. And it all began when Nelson Borges thought he was having a heart attack.
When Borges was 49 years old, he experienced his first panic attack.
“It occurred while I was driving,” Borges said. “Luckily, I was close to home and [so] I went home. I was so cold, I went into the shower to warm up and that’s where I was going to pass out. So I don’t know, The first thing I think of is, I don’t want to be found dead naked. So I jumped out and put on my sweat pants…even today when I go into the shower, that first step, there’s always a quick little flashback.”
Two years later, Borges is the founder of Capillary Wave, a mental health group for men in the Burlington area.
After his panic attack, Borges started learning ways to cope with his anxiety.
“I did a lot of reading, researching, video watching, learning different techniques, etc.,” Borges said. “I learned a lot. Slowly but surely things were getting better and better.”
After being off work for four months and recovering from his panic attack, Borges started going to his community church.
“The first couple of times I started feeling a lot better,” Borges said. “Maybe [by] sitting like this around a table and having guys just talk about their mental health challenges, I can give some advice and hear some advice.”
“I’m just looking to pull guys off the couch and tell them to pull up a chair,” he continued.
He posted on the Burlington Dads Facebook group in December 2023 about a potential club and got more than half a dozen responses from people interested. Borges then gained access to a free-to-use community hub from the City of Burlington to hold Capillary Wave meetings.
Capillary Wave then opened up their regular meetings at the Haber Recreation Centre, every Monday, 7 to 8 p.m.
Hector Peche, a member of the group who joined a month and a half ago, has enjoyed his time in the group so far.
“It’s been a great experience,” Peche said. “It’s an opportunity to share with other men. It’s not a bitching fest by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s an opportunity for people to talk about their struggles and express how they’re feeling in a safe environment.”
Borges said that although stigma around mental health, especially among men, still exists, having groups like this ensures discussion around the topic occurs.
“When you put your arms around a table and everyone starts talking, men talk,” Borges said. “Some are more hesitant, but they come. If you create the space, they’ll come.”
“I’m in construction sales,” Borges said. “And so I go to job sites [and it’s] the macho of the macho, the blue-collar worker guys and I’m in trailers talking to guys and we’re talking about mental health. I’m open about my story and I kid you not, all of a sudden, the other guy starts talking.”
Capillary Wave currently has 54 members in total, although the room they are using only allows for 15 people at a time.
Borges spoke about the importance of having a good support system around you when struggling with mental health.
“[In] Formula One, when the cars come into the pits, it’s not just one person in the troop, it’s a team,” Borges said. “And that’s what we should do when we look at our mental health.”
Peche said that the discussions in the group cover a lot of ground.
“We talk about everything from relationships, to children, divorce, anxiety,” Peche said. “It’s a very eclectic group of topics.”
Peche also told a story about a time when he and another member met up outside of the group.
“There was one day about four weeks ago [when] one of the other fellows in the group was feeling a little down and he called me up and he said, ‘Hey, would you mind meeting for a coffee? I just need to talk to somebody,’” Peche said.
“And we did. We met up for a coffee. He expressed how he was feeling, and I think it feels better to say things out loud in an environment where you’re not going to be judged,” he continued.
Jason Gagne, another member of the group, said he joined Capillary Wave as a way to get some support while waiting for professional help.
“It might be a month’s time before you’re in to see your next appointment. So there’s not that immediate result that I, in particular, am seeing out of this group,” Gagne said.
He said that joining the group has made him feel less alone in his struggle.
“I think a lot of men that are in the same age group as I am, are going through the same kind of struggle,” Gagne said.
“I realize we’re told this through society or television and whatnot, but it’s not until you sit down and actually hear from somebody that’s in the same kind of group that you are…[that you] realize that you actually are not alone in a situation,” he continued.
Borges said he plans on incorporating workshops surrounding different parts of men’s life into the group as well, including ones about parenting kids with anxiety, one for widowed husbands, and a support group for fathers who may be struggling with accepting their child’s 2SLGBTQ+ identity.
Capillary Wave also recently became fully registered as a non-profit group. Borges said this means they can now start applying for grants and looking for additional partners for the group.
“I have half a dozen therapists and counsellors wanting to get involved,” Borges said. “Different organizations have reached out, the Hamilton Coalition of Suicide Prevention and Awareness has reached out and the Halton Region [as well].”
Borges said that his Christian faith has also been instrumental in getting the group up and running.
“I’ve always had ideas since I was young,” Borges said. “I thought of business ideas, [but] they just kind of fizzled out. But this time it feels different because of me committing myself to my church.”
“When you know that there’s something more than what’s here, not that it’s not important, because it is, but what’s here is way lighter of a load,” Borges continued.
Borges talked about what he has personally gained, emotionally, from starting the group.
“A greater sense of compassion, greater sense of community, it’s like saving somebody from drowning,” Borges said. “Greater sense of kindness and empathy. All your senses are heightened.”
For more information on Capillary Wave, email Borges at nelson.borges@capillary-wave-community.org.
Update notice: this article has been updated with the contact information for Capillary Wave.
