Welcome to Dear Life, Local-news.ca’s advice column! We’ve got two excellent advice-givers, Caroline Elisabeth Pigott and Sara Curto, ready to advise Burlington residents on their sticky problems and thorny life challenges. Sara is a career coach with deep experience in counselling and talent acquisition — and she’s always been that person who people look to for advice. Caroline Elisabeth is a life and health coach, whose academic background in social work and professional work in PR have converged here. She specializes in helping introverts reach their goals in an extrovert-worshipping world — something she knows on a personal and professional level.
Send Dear Life your questions (to articles@local-news.ca) and get two expert answers for the price of one.
Dear Life,
I work full-time, have two kids, and a wonderful husband. He does
chores, takes pretty close to 50% of the home management tasks and
planning, kids are reasonably well-behaved for tweens, so all’s good on
the homefront. But I am exhausted. All. The. Time. I find myself
constantly on the run — whenever my kids want to do something, I set it
up as a fun playdate. Whenever my mom needs me to run errands for her
or wants to complain about my dad, I am there for her. When work
colleagues need a hand with a task, it’s me they come to, and I find
myself helping them in my off-hours — yet I don’t get recognized for
supporting others’ work. But I don’t want to let people in my life down
— I get support from my husband, so I get that people need help! But I
am feeling on the edge of burnout. I am not even sure what question to
ask — help me feel less tired?
— Exhausted and Teetering on the Edge
Caroline says:
Dear Exhausted,
Thank you for asking this question. It’s a courageous first step towards taking care of yourself. I say “courageous” because it sounds like self-care is at the bottom of your priority list. But I want to offer that taking care of yourself is a step towards sustaining the support you provide for others.
It’s commendable how much you support your family, friends, and colleagues. But continuous giving without replenishing your own resources can indeed lead to burnout.
Being more intentional about your self-care will not only boost your energy levels and emotional well-being, but will build resilience to challenges, strengthen your relationships, and improve your focus and productivity.
Begin emerging from this constant state of exhaustion by acknowledging the positive impact you have on others around you. This isn’t just an ego boost! Recognizing your efforts releases dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for mood and motivation.
Establish boundaries by reflecting on commitments that truly bring you joy and fulfillment. When you say yes to a request or invite, you are simultaneously saying no to something else. Get clear on your values and priorities so they align with the commitments you agree to.
Begin communicating your feelings about feeling stretched with your husband and family members and discuss ways that they can support you! Effective communication is key to a strong support system.
Schedule in “me time.” I get it. Sometimes it’s easy to forget what’s not on the calendar. Include yourself on your to-do lists by scheduling in reading, taking a walk, or taking on a hobby. Your “you time” is crucial for recharging your energy!
Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish, but necessary for sustaining the support you provide to others. You deserve a life that is both fulfilling and energizing.
Sara says:
Dear Exhausted,
Firstly, take a deep breath. You have so much going on that I wanted to start with you taking a tiny moment for yourself. I appreciate your commitment to supporting those around you, but it’s clear that you’re teetering on the edge of burnout. Here’s a bit of tough love: it’s time to prioritize your well-being.
Let’s start by setting some boundaries. Your willingness to help is admirable, but it’s essential to recognize your limits. Consider implementing rules for yourself, such as restricting playdates to once a month or focusing on family-only activities. This simple structure can make decision-making less overwhelming.
When it comes to your mother’s needs, it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries. Communicate openly with her about your limitations, whether it’s limiting errands to twice a month or taking calls only during specific times. Remember, effective support starts with maintaining your own well-being.
As for your colleagues, it’s perfectly acceptable to say no. The “I’d love to, but…” approach can be your go-to response. This not only sets boundaries but also encourages your colleagues to seek alternative solutions.
I understand that letting go of the “Helper” identity is challenging. To gain more insights into your motivations and break free from this pattern, consider taking the Enneagram test for a deeper understanding of yourself.
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Prioritize self-care, and you’ll find that you have more to give to those you care about.
Take care of yourself,
Sara
Caroline Elisabeth Pigott is a certified life and health coach who works with clients to strengthen their assertiveness, be more confident in themselves, and increase their energy levels so that they can reach their goals without burnout. Caroline empowers introverted entrepreneurs to step into their quiet leadership power through her private practice as well as supports employees reach their full potential, and strengthen mindsets and skills as a care coach with BetterUp, a global leadership and development platform.
Find Caroline at buildyourbrilliance.com.
Sara Curto is a career coach who helps people find their dream job or land that next promotion, where they work less, make more money and finally feel fulfilled and happy doing work they love. Leveraging a background in counselling, 15 years in talent acquisition and 5+ years as a resume writer and career coach, Sara has helped over 500 people find work they love with her coaching and process. She has partnered with organizations such as Burlington Public Library, York University, Mining Industry Human Resources Council, and Human Resources Professional Association to facilitate customized workshops.
To connect with Sara online:
www.saracurto.ca
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jobcoachsara/
