Welcome to Dear Life, Local-news.ca’s new advice column! We’ve got two excellent advice-givers, Caroline Elisabeth Pigott and Sara Curto, ready to advise Burlington residents on their sticky problems and thorny life challenges. Sara is a career coach with deep experience in counselling and talent acquisition — and she’s always been that person who people look to for advice. Caroline Elisabeth is a life and health coach, whose academic background in social work and professional work in PR have converged here. She specializes in helping introverts reach their goals in an extrovert-worshipping world — something she knows on a personal and professional level.
Send Dear Life your questions (to articles@local-news.ca) and get two expert answers for the price of one.
Dear Life,
There’s a new person on my team at work who’s more outgoing than me and I feel like she’s getting more recognition even though I’m doing more work. How can I approach this so I get the recognition I deserve and enjoy my workplace again?
– Underappreciated introvert
Sara says:
First of all, some people are shy and some people are outgoing. That’s normal. In this case, I don’t think that them being more outgoing than you is the problem.
I feel like perhaps the underlying issue here is confidence. Your co-worker is more comfortable telling people about their work than you are.
Probably you feel awkward and gross. You think your work should speak for itself. And you really don’t want to come across as arrogant. So, let’s tackle these individually, and then I’ll wrap up with a plan of attack.
- Selling yourself is icky. I don’t know about you, but I feel like a used car salesman when I’m trying to sell myself, which is why I’ve begun employing this mindset shift with myself and my clients: you aren’t selling yourself, you are simply telling your story. You’re showcasing your value.
- Your boss should notice. We’re often desperate for our bosses to recognize our hard work, ideally out of the blue. Here’s the thing. They are the centre of their own universe just like you are of yours. You need to tell them about all the hard work you’re doing in order to get the recognition.
- You don’t want to come across as arrogant. Okay, so you’re ready to tell your story to your boss. There’s just one small thing. What if they think you’re being arrogant? I hear this all the time from clients who suffer from low self-esteem and my answer is two-fold. Number one —Given your worry, it is clearly not in your nature to come across as arrogant — so you will never come across as arrogant. Number two — let’s work on your confidence so that YOU have your own back and don’t need to depend on the thoughts other people have about you in order to feel worthy.
Now here’s the big secret. It’s not as hard to get the recognition you deserve as you probably think. It starts with your 1:1 with your manager. Those 1:1s are designed for you to update them. I remember taking up most of my 1:1s with coming up with solutions to problems and asking questions. While that is important, I wish I could also go back and start each 1:1 with all my wins. Here’s the thing, a 1:1 is a mix of an evaluation of the week that passed and a planning session for the upcoming week, so here’s a formula for you to follow:
- What went well this week
- What could’ve gone better
- What’s coming up next week
- What you need from them.
I hope that helps!
Sara Curto, Career Coach
Caroline Elisabeth says:
Dear Underappreciated,
It can be frustrating when someone who’s more outgoing seems to hog the spotlight, but fear not, my friend. Being less outgoing doesn’t mean your talent, skills, and efforts stay quiet.
Let’s craft a strategy that combines empathy, firmness, and sprinkles of your personality to help you reclaim your well-deserved recognition and find your workplace groove once again.
Embrace your introversion: Remember, being less outgoing is not a weakness but a unique strength. Your thoughtful, reflective nature brings a different perspective to the table. So, own it! Appreciate the qualities that make you who you are.
Focus on your accomplishments: Keep a record of your achievements, big and small. When the time comes to showcase your work, you’ll have a handy list of accomplishments to share confidently. Let your results speak for themselves.
Engage in strategic self-promotion: While it may not come naturally to you, highlighting your achievements is essential. Look for opportunities to subtly showcase your work during team meetings or one-on-one discussions. Share your ideas and contributions in a confident and concise manner.
Be proactive and take the lead: Instead of waiting for recognition to come to you, seek out leadership opportunities. Initiate projects, suggest innovative solutions, and take charge when appropriate. Prove to your team that you’re not just a hard worker but also a capable leader.
Communicate your value: When it comes to recognition, don’t shy away from expressing your desires. Be clear about the value you bring to the team and the recognition you feel you deserve.
Get to know your colleague: Finally, make an effort to get to know the new person on your team. In other words, give her a chance. Being “the new kid” at the office can feel daunting, and many people strive to make a good impression when joining a new workplace. Provide her with an opportunity to share more about herself, while also sharing more about yourself! Who knows, you might just discover a great friendship in the making.
Remember, change can take time. Embrace your personality, aim to proactively share your accomplishments, and give the new person a chance. Soon you’ll create a work environment that appreciates and recognizes your valuable contributions!
Dear Life,
I resent my family. I’m the only one who cleans the house. When I bring it up, they offer to clean but I find myself wanting to “fix” their way of cleaning, giving me zero breaks. What can I do about this?
– Sweeping Ambitions
Caroline Elisabeth says:
Dear Sweeping Ambitions,
I understand the frustrations and challenges that come with being the sole maintainer of your household. It’s only natural to expect your family to share the workload and take initiative in keeping things clean and tidy!
On one hand, you feel resentment when the housework isn’t done without your prompting. On the other hand, you find yourself wanting to fix how your family approaches cleaning, leaving you with no breaks and likely even more resentment.
While your cleaning process may work well for you, it’s crucial to consider the cost involved.
Take a moment to reflect on underlying emotions or experiences that might contribute to these negative feelings. Notice if similar emotions arise in other areas of your life and explore any commonalities with how you manage your household.
By gaining clarity on the source of these negative emotions, you can begin to strip away their power and transform your experience. Instead of letting them dictate the outcome, harness their presence as fuel for a new approach.
The next time you feel resentment or an urge to “fix” how your family members clean, ask yourself how you can reframe the situation. Rather than insisting they clean the way you do, appreciate and leverage their individual strengths to create a more balanced and harmonious cleaning routine for your home.
Shift your perspective from “I resent my family for not helping me clean” to “I am capable of open communication and fostering a sense of togetherness with my family.” Also, consider how you can communicate your vision for the home while allowing them to clean in a way that brings them joy and fulfillment.
If stress and overwhelm play a role in your communication, prioritize self-care, establish boundaries, and delegate tasks. Focus on your well-being and ensure you have dedicated time for relaxation. Remember that change takes time and patience!
As you explore your emotions and communicate more positively with your family about household chores, expect occasional slip-ups. However, with consistent communication and recognition of each other’s strengths in cleaning, you will witness a more harmonious household where everyone feels responsible and valued.
Keep sweeping towards a more balanced and joyful home!
Warm regards,
Caroline Elisabeth
Sara says:
Hi Sweeping Ambitions,
As a career coach, I don’t do too much coaching on household issues — however, I do coach a lot on management and delegation issues. I think this is a perspective that’ll be really helpful for you.
The first and most important question I want you to ask yourself is: what matters most to you right now?
Is it a house that’s done to your standards or is it having the ability to rest?
If it’s number one, then I recommend taking some time to “train” the individuals in your house on your cleaning style. Now with this priority, here are some things to expect. First, it will take them time to learn; allow them that. Second, they may grow annoyed or resentful. Prepare yourself for how you want to handle that in a way that continues to serve what matters most to you. Treat them with respect and grace. Be open to their own ideas and suggestions. And lastly, recognize that eventually you will have an opportunity to get that rest, but it may take some time.
If it’s number two, then I recommend internalizing Elsa’s favourite motto of “Let it go.” They will not clean to your standard and you will practice being fine with it (eventually even actually being fine with it). To help with this, I want you to follow this important advice: LEAVE THE ROOM! Take a bath, go for a walk, hide in the closet with your phone. Just get away from them while they do the cleaning. And then when you enter the room, remember that you didn’t have to do anything but relax. And thank them profusely. It’ll actually be easier to appreciate their work if you see it after you have that much-needed break.
Remember, there is no right or wrong here. There is just what matters most to you.
Happy relaxing,
Sara Curto, Career Coach
Caroline Elisabeth Pigott is a certified life and health coach who works with clients to strengthen their assertiveness, be more confident in themselves, and increase their energy levels so that they can reach their goals without burnout. Caroline empowers introverted entrepreneurs to step into their quiet leadership power through her private practice as well as supports employees reach their full potential, and strengthen mindsets and skills as a care coach with BetterUp, a global leadership and development platform.
Find Caroline at buildyourbrilliance.com.
Sara Curto is a career coach who helps people find their dream job or land that next promotion, where they work less, make more money and finally feel fulfilled and happy doing work they love. Leveraging a background in counselling, 15 years in talent acquisition and 5+ years as a resume writer and career coach, Sara has helped over 500 people find work they love with her coaching and process. She has partnered with organizations such as Burlington Public Library, York University, Mining Industry Human Resources Council, and Human Resources Professional Association to facilitate customized workshops.
To connect with Sara online:
www.saracurto.ca
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jobcoachsara/
