Welcome to Dear Life, Local-news.ca’s new advice column! We’ve got two excellent advice-givers, Caroline Elisabeth Pigott and Sara Curto, ready to advise Burlington residents on their sticky problems and thorny life challenges. Sara is a career coach with deep experience in counselling and talent acquisition — and she’s always been that person who people look to for advice. Caroline Elisabeth is a life and health coach, whose academic background in social work and professional work in PR have converged here. She specializes in helping introverts reach their goals in an extrovert-worshipping world — something she knows on a personal and professional level.
Send Dear Life your questions (to articles@local-news.ca) and get two expert answers for the price of one.
Dear Life,
I have been a stay-at-home mom for my kids’ entire life. Now that they’re 10 and 8, I’m ready to start my own business! I’m excited to see where this new chapter of my life takes me but things are moving along a lot more quickly than I anticipated and I’m now finding myself feeling overwhelmed and burned out.
What I’d love to establish is a morning routine that will help set myself and my kids up for success. Any tips?
— Overwhelmed Unbound
Caroline says:
Dear Overwhelmed,
First, congratulations on starting a business! This will be a journey towards an exciting next chapter in your life. That said, it’s understandable to experience overwhelm and burnout when the pace you’re currently going is a lot faster than what you anticipated.
You didn’t mention the type of business you’re starting, but a morning routine is a great way to begin your days with intention and focus. The morning sets the tone for the rest of the day, so this is a huge step in the right direction, by the way.
Here are some tips to help you and your kids start the day right with a morning routine:
List out next-day priorities the night before. Encourage your kids to do the same! Doing this helps set the intention of what’s important to you and what can be left for another time if needed.
Speaking of intention, get intentional about setting boundaries. Oftentimes, when we feel burnt-out or overwhelmed, we’re not asserting our boundaries enough or at all. Using your list of priorities, what are you willing to say “yes” and “no” to in order to honour them?
Your priorities might include getting the kids ready and taking them to school, and client work or sales calls. Your morning priorities might not include accepting a phone call from your friend or doing a load of laundry.
Keep in mind that when you say yes to something, you need to say no to something else. So, what are you willing to say yes and no to? What will bring you to your goals? What will drain your energy? Keep these thoughts in mind when creating your boundaries.
Wake up before the kids do. Spend some time doing an activity that brings focus and energy to your morning. Activities like reading a chapter of your favourite book, meditating, yoga, or just sipping some coffee alone for five minutes can do wonders!
Have a healthy breakfast, choosing foods that energize all of you! Foods that are low in simple carbs, low in sugar, high in protein, and high in fibre are best to keep your bellies full for longer, resulting in more energy and a better ability to focus.
Consider time-blocking to help decrease that feeling of overwhelm. Divide your day into chunks that include work, self-care, chores, family time, and/or exercise (you decide). Being more intentional by using time-blocking will help you organize your day better.
Ultimately, your morning routine must work for you and your family! But hopefully these tips will help you step back and assess what you want your routine to look like and begin taking steps to create it.
Sara says:
Dear Overwhelmed,
Like Caroline said — congratulations! As someone who has owned their own business for six years now, I know how scary it can be to take the leap.
Caroline gave you some amazing tips, so all I’m going to say is that your morning routine doesn’t have to start out being perfect (I’m saying this to myself just as much as you!).
When we’re creating new routines, we can fall into the trap of creating a perfectionist fantasy. This is where you get your dopamine roaring because you’re excited about this new perfect person you’re going to become.
Then when the morning hits and you struggle through your morning routine, miss steps or sleep in, you get angry with yourself for not doing it “perfectly.” You may think you’ve blown it or that something is wrong with the plan, and that you may as well just delay or re-think your plan.
I love how Caroline talked about being intentional. The concept of setting intentions can also be really useful for the beginning phase of taking up a new routine, when you’re just getting used to it but it hasn’t yet become a habit. For instance, if you find yourself hitting the snooze button for 30 minutes instead of getting up before the kids wake up, you could reframe it as an intention rather than a plan that has to happen perfectly. For example, the intention can be “wake up early before the kids.” Then, waking up even just 5 minutes before they do is a win. And then you can slowly build to that 30 minutes over time.
Similarly, if “reading in the morning” is an intention, set a timer for 5 minutes. Or pick a book you really want to read versus what you think you should read. And then slowly, over time, that new habit of reading in the morning can grow and evolve and become a set part of your routine.
I hope this helps and that you create a morning that sets you up for success the entire day!
Dear Life,
I was one of those people who really enjoyed working from home over the pandemic. I love my co-workers, but I think I became accustomed to more solitary activities and am now experiencing some severe social anxiety! Especially when I’m in the office and my co-workers invite me to after-work activities — I’d rather go home and veg on the couch. But I feel like I’m declining these invites too often. Will I risk losing any connections with my co-workers and become a recluse if I decline these invites? Do I have to accept every invite? Or can I find a happy balance?
— Anxious Couch Potato
Sara:
First of all, I want to ensure that if you’re experiencing signs of Social Anxiety Disorder (you can find out more here: https://www.anxietycanada.com/disorders/social-anxiety-in-adults/) then I recommend scheduling an appointment with your doctor or a mental health professional.
However, being exhausted and drained at the end of the night isn’t necessarily anxiety — it could just be a sign of introversion!
Humans do tend to grow more introverted (a.k.a. needing time to themselves to recharge) as they grow older and the pandemic certainly pressed fast forward for a lot of people, which means there is nothing wrong with wanting to go relax at home after a work day.
Having said all that, it seems like finding a happy balance is what matters most to you right now, since you do recognize that there is some value in making connections at work. But who decided that the only way to do this is after hours?! Many people struggle to participate in after-work activities besides introverts — like parents, caregivers, people with time-consuming hobbies, those in part-time school, and people who need to work more than one job. So you are not alone.
My question for you is: how do you want to interact with your coworkers? Maybe it’s a monthly lunch, a weekly walk to grab a coffee or a daily group chat. Come up with ideas that feel exciting, that fit within your life, and allow you to still get that recharge session at home. Then suggest these alternatives to your coworkers when they invite you to do something after work!
If you’re struggling with what to say:
“Thanks for the invite, but no thank you. I’m an introvert, and I need to go home at the end of the night to recharge for tomorrow. But would you be up for lunch next week?”
Or if you don’t want to say you’re an introvert:
“Thanks for the invite, but no, thank you! My evenings are pretty packed and it makes it difficult for me to do something outside of work. But have you tried that new coffee place? Want to walk with me to grab a coffee?”
I hope that helps!
Caroline:
What Sara mentions about introversion is spot on! It sounds like you may draw your energy from more quiet activities rather than group outings, and that’s perfectly normal and acceptable.
A lot of us enjoyed working from home during the pandemic, especially when social interactions (even those that we enjoy!) leave us drained and ready for some much-needed solitude.
Your time after work is your much-deserved “you” time. The anxious feelings you experience may be a symptom of needing to honour that need for “you time” more often. Many of us fall into a pattern of “shoulds”: thinking we “should” do this or that when it’s not what we actually need or want to do. It’s time to “shed the shoulds” and start doing what feels best for you.
I really like what Sara says about asking yourself how you want to interact with your coworkers, and her suggestions on how to invite them to things that you both can enjoy! Release the pressure to accept the invites that don’t align with your personality or energy levels and find different ways to connect. You can have both: your evenings off and a stronger connection to your co-workers!
Sara Curto is a career coach who helps people find their dream job or land that next promotion, where they work less, make more money and finally feel fulfilled and happy doing work they love. Leveraging a background in counselling, 15 years in talent acquisition and 5+ years as a resume writer and career coach, Sara has helped over 500 people find work they love with her coaching and process. She has partnered with organizations such as Burlington Public Library, York University, Mining Industry Human Resources Council, and Human Resources Professional Association to facilitate customized workshops.
To connect with Sara online:
www.saracurto.ca
https://www.linkedin.com/in/jobcoachsara/
Caroline Elisabeth Pigott is a certified life and health coach who works with clients to strengthen their assertiveness, be more confident in themselves, and increase their energy levels so that they can reach their goals without burnout. Caroline empowers introverted entrepreneurs to step into their quiet leadership power through her private practice as well as supports employees reach their full potential, and strengthen mindsets and skills as a care coach with BetterUp, a global leadership and development platform.
Find Caroline at buildyourbrilliance.com.
